There’s a feeling in life that can only come in an office, and unlike most things exclusive to the office this one is euphoric. It is the cube monkeys Super Bowl, their One Shining Moment, *Cue that end of March theme*, and that is getting public retribution on the asshole in the department over. And there is no more efficacious way to do that, in any office, than the most powerful, thunderous line we all hopefully get to type at least once “AS PER MY LAST EMAIL”
A few words in the professional world have as much power without getting you a sit down with HR. You’re an assassin via Microsoft Office. The ability to, at the same time, slyly eviscerate your enemy with the precision of Hari Kari, but also drop an absolute mushroom cloud on the screen, as you sit comfortably behind your Enola Gay.
One of the true beauties of this is who gets to be CC’d is on the email. Who gets the joy of watching a public execution, how high up does this murder get to be displayed. You’ve become the judge, the jury, and the executioner. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED, ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED.
You have it typed up to lead off the email, and you have the world in your hand. A silver bullet with only one home, the heart of your enemy. That sorry piece of shit has no idea it’s coming. They are a sitting duck, without a worry in the world. now all that’s left is setting up your book depository window and wait for that motorcade to fall into the right position…… BAM, office assassination.
I gotta get outta here.
I Gotta Get Outta Here 